hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
