Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
her vagine was all disorganized.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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