When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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