Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
