do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
