Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
