I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
