I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My pussy is not your playground.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
