Where are you?
In a non slutty way
operation have a gay friend backfired
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
