the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
