normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
