Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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