for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
