There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
