At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
