Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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