My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
