the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
