that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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