They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
