i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
