I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
