I looked at my own cervix.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
