We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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