I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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