She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
