as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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