I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
