i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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