i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i think i just lost a toe
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
