I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
