She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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