I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize