i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
