Say something about gay babies.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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