If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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