A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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