Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
