why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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