God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
