On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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