feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
