Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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