just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
