Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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