A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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