Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
