around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
