I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
