none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
