I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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