I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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