So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
