a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
