I bet he comes in French.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
