Nicole vs. Life
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
