I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize