She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
