apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
