I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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