I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
