I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
