I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Holy sore nipples Batman
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
