That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
