Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize