Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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