Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
