member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
